I've written three variations on the same basic blog posting over the past two weeks, never quite reaching a final product worth publishing. The bottom line was this: I suspect that every mom (or woman) thinks that everyone else is doing a great job except her, and I wanted to be the one to say, "hey! I'm not doing a very good job right now!" so that y'all could have some consolation, if and when you needed it. The first attempt was much too whiny; by the end of the second iteration, I realized that I can't very well complain about not having enough time when I know perfectly well how poorly I manage my hours.
I've wrestled with the notion of "me-time," knowing that most people would argue for its occasional necessity but still feeling too selfish (and nevertheless being granted an hour by a gracious husband . . . but then, when you walk in the door after work and your wife bursts into tears for reasons unknown even to herself, what is there to do but send her out for a burger?).
I've battled real exhaustion, with Owen going on nearly two months of poor sleep. Levi woke up two weeks ago at the deep end of the toddler pool, and I have been at a loss to channel his sudden overflow of energy. I have reacted in anger (repeatedly) when I could have responded with kindness.
I'm reading Marriage to a Difficult Man: The Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards for the second time, and I cringe when I read of Sarah's being "habitually industrious." I want to argue how hard it is to get anything done when the boys' naps don't overlap by much, but I know that even so, I am, at best, "sporadically industrious."
I am spending far, far too much time making unhealthy comparisons between other children and my own -- and, as a result, between other mamas and myself. It's a losing battle, every time.
That's what the last two weeks have been like. But, things are starting to look up. Truth is, that hour at Burger King, just me and Sarah Edwards, was wholly refreshing. Owen has slept all night for two nights in a row now. After a whole day's worth of continuous discipline, Levi is beginning to respond, and I'm getting more creative in our gross motor activities. Isaac has patiently talked me down off the my-house-is-too-messy-to-live-in ledge, and my mom called out of the blue this morning just to offer some affirmation.
So, whatever it is frustrating you this week (or maybe you're having an unusually happy week, in which case, hooray!), let me just say again: I don't have it all together, either.
[Two blog posts by my friend Sarah that I always find reassuring when I feel like this: here and here (especially loving the link to the Tim Keller article at the end of the first).]
I've wrestled with the notion of "me-time," knowing that most people would argue for its occasional necessity but still feeling too selfish (and nevertheless being granted an hour by a gracious husband . . . but then, when you walk in the door after work and your wife bursts into tears for reasons unknown even to herself, what is there to do but send her out for a burger?).
I've battled real exhaustion, with Owen going on nearly two months of poor sleep. Levi woke up two weeks ago at the deep end of the toddler pool, and I have been at a loss to channel his sudden overflow of energy. I have reacted in anger (repeatedly) when I could have responded with kindness.
I'm reading Marriage to a Difficult Man: The Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards for the second time, and I cringe when I read of Sarah's being "habitually industrious." I want to argue how hard it is to get anything done when the boys' naps don't overlap by much, but I know that even so, I am, at best, "sporadically industrious."
I am spending far, far too much time making unhealthy comparisons between other children and my own -- and, as a result, between other mamas and myself. It's a losing battle, every time.
That's what the last two weeks have been like. But, things are starting to look up. Truth is, that hour at Burger King, just me and Sarah Edwards, was wholly refreshing. Owen has slept all night for two nights in a row now. After a whole day's worth of continuous discipline, Levi is beginning to respond, and I'm getting more creative in our gross motor activities. Isaac has patiently talked me down off the my-house-is-too-messy-to-live-in ledge, and my mom called out of the blue this morning just to offer some affirmation.
So, whatever it is frustrating you this week (or maybe you're having an unusually happy week, in which case, hooray!), let me just say again: I don't have it all together, either.
[Two blog posts by my friend Sarah that I always find reassuring when I feel like this: here and here (especially loving the link to the Tim Keller article at the end of the first).]
Comments
Post a Comment