Just Me

Once upon a time, I loved Kentucky Fried Chicken. I used cream soups liberally. I survived sinus infections through copious amounts of DayQuil.  I kissed many a boy before agreeing to marry one, expected to formula-feed my babies, thought home-schooling families were too weird to explain.  I cleaned everything with bleach or Clorox wipes.

I haven't had KFC since before Levi was born. I make my own cream of chicken soup and ration it out of the freezer. [My husband is extremely anti-MSG.  It's second-nature, now, to flip over a can or box at the grocery store and scan ingredients for it (or its counterpart, autolyzed yeast extract).]  Last time I cleaned out the medicine cabinet, all cold medicine went in the trash (or to its appropriate disposal location). [Can't have it during pregnancy anyway, so why re-stock?]  I didn't kiss my husband until our wedding day, am on my second round of nursing a baby, and anticipate home-schooling my children.  A few weeks ago, I bought my first bottle of castile soap and made my own cleaning wipes.  

I have actually talked out loud more than once about the possibility of having a home birth.  I've soaked my grains the night before making pancakes three times now.  I shell out over five bucks per gallon of organic milk.

Yesterday, in an attempt to soothe my cold-ridden toddler, I went to a blog I read regularly, searched for "homemade cough syrup," and spent half an hour simmering onions in honey.  Then I chopped up another onion to set in a bowl next to his crib.  At some point during this process, I wondered: when did I become this person?

I've always thought of myself as so . . . traditional.  I resisted the changes in how I cook and eat until I discovered that people all over the place are trying to avoid or include the same things (avoiding MSG, including whole wheat, etc.).  I expected to use formula until I discovered that most of the people I encounter choose to breastfeed (unlike the people my mother knew, for example).  I never thought twice about chemicals until I discovered that everyday substances like vinegar and baking soda are cheaper and just as effective. 

There are still some things I do not want to give up. I remember how much I loved walking to school, buying school lunches, playing in the marching band, and I grieve the potential loss of those things for my children.  Having had it both ways, I have mixed feelings on whether it is the "right" thing to do to postpone kissing until the wedding (though I do and will respect my husband's decision on the matter).  I haven't yet made the switch to cloth diapers. 

As I've typed all of this out, sorting through the issues that I feel have changed and/or are changing for me, I realize that they don't all fit neatly into one category.  I can't label all of one side as "traditional" and the other side "crunchy" (if those are even opposites, which I doubt).  I'd like to have a rule-book for "the way things are supposed to be done," but such a thing does not exist! [Ahem. Of course, the Bible is the rule-book for the way things are supposed to be done. But these are not issues of salvation, nor are they clearly stipulated in Scripture.]  I like the labels; I like to be able to define things, including myself.  But I'm not who I was, whatever that was, and I'm not sure who I'll be in the future.

I guess I'm just me.