I'm only 31 months into motherhood, 32 months into home-ownership, and 50 months into marriage, so I'll be the first to admit that I still have a lot to learn, a lot of experience (and subsequent wisdom) to garner. I'm starting to feel, though, like I've been at this long enough to have developed some ideas on how to make life run more smoothly. Please don't misread this: it's not a list of habits I've perfected, of ways I've become a domestic goddess. I fail more often than I succeed. But I thought I'd share anyway, in case any of it could be useful!
Rule #1: Never be empty-handed. Since Owen became mobile eight months ago, I can no longer count on anything being where I put it last. I find tupperware in the den, puzzle pieces in the kitchen, toy cars in bathroom drawers, and anything small enough to be carried up the stairs in my bedroom. As a means of fighting this trend, I've taken to scanning any room I'm in quickly before I leave it, looking for anything that might need to come with me to wherever I'm going. There's almost always something, particularly when going up or down the stairs. It doesn't keep us from major picking-up every night, but it does keep the untidy-ness relatively under control, and help my sanity just a little bit in the process!
Rule #2: Don't discipline if it won't be effective. In our house, we talk about having "happy hearts" a lot. It comes from Ginger Plowman's example of requiring her children to obey "all the way, right away, with a happy heart." Disobedience can come from having a sad heart, and it can also cause us to have sad hearts. If Levi's having a complete meltdown (including some specific disobedience), it benefits both of us when I stop and ask: "why is your heart sad? Do you need some food in your tummy? Do you need to lie down and rest? Do you need a special hug from Mommy?" It's almost always one of those three things, and simply knowing the answer gives me the opportunity either to meet his need (which usually results in increased obedience almost immediately), or to remind him: "I know you need some food in your tummy, but dinner will be ready in 15 minutes and I need you to make a good choice. Can you show me a happy heart? Can you show me how to be patient?" At a time like that, mid-meltdown, swift punishment results in little more than a bigger meltdown.
Now, if all obvious needs are met and Levi is simply making a bad choice, it's a completely different story. First-time obedience is certainly a goal. And like I said at the beginning, I'm not always good at talking through things first: I get impatient [have a sad heart!] and snap at him and measure out discipline willy-nilly sometimes. I think it's good training for me, though, to discern what's going on behind any discipline (when it's not just obvious defiance) and solve that issue first. Maybe by the time I have teenagers, I'll be in the habit!
Rule #3: It's better to be loving than to be right. This is actually a little nugget of wisdom from my dad, and it's easily the rule I break the most! Oh, how quickly I lose my patience and get irritated at the tiniest "infractions" (usually constructed in my own mind) and criticize freely without thought to purpose or tone of voice. I haven't yet figured out how to stop myself before I speak, but at the very least, I'm aware of my failings more quickly than I once was. A work in progress!
Anybody else have general principles (besides the ones outlined in Scripture, I mean) that help your days run more peacefully? I'd love to know!
Rule #1: Never be empty-handed. Since Owen became mobile eight months ago, I can no longer count on anything being where I put it last. I find tupperware in the den, puzzle pieces in the kitchen, toy cars in bathroom drawers, and anything small enough to be carried up the stairs in my bedroom. As a means of fighting this trend, I've taken to scanning any room I'm in quickly before I leave it, looking for anything that might need to come with me to wherever I'm going. There's almost always something, particularly when going up or down the stairs. It doesn't keep us from major picking-up every night, but it does keep the untidy-ness relatively under control, and help my sanity just a little bit in the process!
Rule #2: Don't discipline if it won't be effective. In our house, we talk about having "happy hearts" a lot. It comes from Ginger Plowman's example of requiring her children to obey "all the way, right away, with a happy heart." Disobedience can come from having a sad heart, and it can also cause us to have sad hearts. If Levi's having a complete meltdown (including some specific disobedience), it benefits both of us when I stop and ask: "why is your heart sad? Do you need some food in your tummy? Do you need to lie down and rest? Do you need a special hug from Mommy?" It's almost always one of those three things, and simply knowing the answer gives me the opportunity either to meet his need (which usually results in increased obedience almost immediately), or to remind him: "I know you need some food in your tummy, but dinner will be ready in 15 minutes and I need you to make a good choice. Can you show me a happy heart? Can you show me how to be patient?" At a time like that, mid-meltdown, swift punishment results in little more than a bigger meltdown.
Now, if all obvious needs are met and Levi is simply making a bad choice, it's a completely different story. First-time obedience is certainly a goal. And like I said at the beginning, I'm not always good at talking through things first: I get impatient [have a sad heart!] and snap at him and measure out discipline willy-nilly sometimes. I think it's good training for me, though, to discern what's going on behind any discipline (when it's not just obvious defiance) and solve that issue first. Maybe by the time I have teenagers, I'll be in the habit!
Rule #3: It's better to be loving than to be right. This is actually a little nugget of wisdom from my dad, and it's easily the rule I break the most! Oh, how quickly I lose my patience and get irritated at the tiniest "infractions" (usually constructed in my own mind) and criticize freely without thought to purpose or tone of voice. I haven't yet figured out how to stop myself before I speak, but at the very least, I'm aware of my failings more quickly than I once was. A work in progress!
Anybody else have general principles (besides the ones outlined in Scripture, I mean) that help your days run more peacefully? I'd love to know!
I've been trying to follow your "Never be emptyhanded" rule lately. I think it's a keeper. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd I find that the bigger I get, the less I'm doing it myself. It's just getting too hard to bend down and pick things up off the floor! Yesterday when I swept the kitchen I just kicked all of the toys towards the living room. :) A rule to come back to, for sure!
ReplyDelete