I have no doubt that nearly everyone reading this is just as heavily involved in character building their little ones as I am. Seems like a never-ending battle, doesn't it? No sooner do you get them finally putting away their shoes the first time you ask than they're grabbing toys from a sibling. You eventually negotiate a semi-lasting peace, and then they're going crazy at the dinner table. You get everyone pleasantly through meal time and then you completely lose patience at bedtime.
Oh wait -- that's my character, not theirs. Well, the same principles hold.
My firstborn son is, I suspect, pretty similar to most firstborn children (though certainly not all, I've discovered). He's generally pretty compliant, when it comes right down to it, but MAN, does that kid like to argue his point of view. I find myself sucked into dialogue when I know -- and he knows! -- he just needs to obey, and quickly. Since this usually isn't direct defiance, I forget, sometimes, that his arguing is often (not always, but often) a lack of respect for authority, and it's my job to see that he shows the proper deference for those placed above him.
So we've been trucking along, working on things like kind words and putting one's brother first and self-control at the table, when suddenly I glance up to realize that Levi is flat-out arguing with his piano teacher over whether he has to count out loud. I was mortified. Yes, I understand that my embarrassment should not have been the first thing I thought of, but there it is. Once I got over that, though, and found time for a long strategy session with my husband, we decided that until he passes the bar, Levi's tendency to argue, however politely, needs to be reined in. (Owen's sobbing "but I don't want to" needed some attention as well.)
The solution, for now: any instruction from a trusted adult needs to answered immediately, audibly, with "yes ma'am" or "yes sir." Up to this point, I've occasionally insisted on a casual "okay, mama," but never with consistency. Lo and behold, the verbal answer actually makes a difference! We've cut off many a protest (both of the argumentative and defiant sort) with a reminder to answer, and once they've answered, there's not much else to do but obey. After it became familiar, after the first few hours, we explained that answering "yes ma'am" (or "sir") means that they've heard the instruction and are going to obey: it's a contract.
The first day, we kept a simple chart, with Levi marking in one color and Owen in another, as a way of making a game out of it. I'm really bad on following through on behavior charts, though (hello, obedience jar), and after we filled up the first one, it rather fell by the wayside. It's been about a week now, and I really do believe the verbal answer has made a noticeable difference in quick and respectful obedience. The true test, I suppose, will be at Levi's piano lesson this afternoon!
Oh wait -- that's my character, not theirs. Well, the same principles hold.
My firstborn son is, I suspect, pretty similar to most firstborn children (though certainly not all, I've discovered). He's generally pretty compliant, when it comes right down to it, but MAN, does that kid like to argue his point of view. I find myself sucked into dialogue when I know -- and he knows! -- he just needs to obey, and quickly. Since this usually isn't direct defiance, I forget, sometimes, that his arguing is often (not always, but often) a lack of respect for authority, and it's my job to see that he shows the proper deference for those placed above him.
So we've been trucking along, working on things like kind words and putting one's brother first and self-control at the table, when suddenly I glance up to realize that Levi is flat-out arguing with his piano teacher over whether he has to count out loud. I was mortified. Yes, I understand that my embarrassment should not have been the first thing I thought of, but there it is. Once I got over that, though, and found time for a long strategy session with my husband, we decided that until he passes the bar, Levi's tendency to argue, however politely, needs to be reined in. (Owen's sobbing "but I don't want to" needed some attention as well.)
The solution, for now: any instruction from a trusted adult needs to answered immediately, audibly, with "yes ma'am" or "yes sir." Up to this point, I've occasionally insisted on a casual "okay, mama," but never with consistency. Lo and behold, the verbal answer actually makes a difference! We've cut off many a protest (both of the argumentative and defiant sort) with a reminder to answer, and once they've answered, there's not much else to do but obey. After it became familiar, after the first few hours, we explained that answering "yes ma'am" (or "sir") means that they've heard the instruction and are going to obey: it's a contract.
The first day, we kept a simple chart, with Levi marking in one color and Owen in another, as a way of making a game out of it. I'm really bad on following through on behavior charts, though (hello, obedience jar), and after we filled up the first one, it rather fell by the wayside. It's been about a week now, and I really do believe the verbal answer has made a noticeable difference in quick and respectful obedience. The true test, I suppose, will be at Levi's piano lesson this afternoon!
A random picture of the boys in question. The turtle has nothing to do with it.
Comments
Post a Comment